


is there something or nothing you wanted to say?

by Razia



Category: Naruto
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, M/M, The Author Regrets Nothing, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-10
Updated: 2018-08-10
Packaged: 2019-06-21 17:56:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15563295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Razia/pseuds/Razia
Summary: Naruto confesses his love on a sunny day, bleeding at Kakashi’s feet.





	is there something or nothing you wanted to say?

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be a humble drabble of a bloody confession because I like drama, but instead turned into something with the beginnings of a plot and with a little bit more angst than planned… er, enjoy? (also, this might not be 100% coherent because I haven’t written in months and english is not my first language, so excuse any weirdness)
> 
> Title is from Greyson Chance's _Sunshine & City Lights_.

 

 

 

 

Naruto confesses his love on a sunny day.

The sky is a welcomed shade of cloudless blue after the week they spent in Ame, the birds are milling about, the trees are shiny green in the sunlight, and Naruto is bleeding at Kakashi’s feet.

There’s a sole, silent second where nothing moves, and then Kakashi is on him. He grabs Naruto oh so gently, mindful of injuries and pain, and Naruto thinks he’s never seen that expression on Kakashi’s face before, as if something's about to break.

“SAKURA!” Kakashi shouts, loud and strong in the clearing, but no one answers back. He hastily calls Pakkun, and though his motions are quick and jerky, his right arm never falters where he's propping Naruto up. Pakkun takes one look at Naruto and races across the clearing, to the patch of trees on the other side, the same direction Sakura had been kicked in a while ago. He’s a smart dog, doesn’t need to hear the obvious order: bring Sakura _now_.

Naruto opens his mouth to talk, but only a wet cough comes out, the feeling of blood slipping out of his lips and leaving a red trail across his face making him want to retch. He tries again, but Kakashi puts a delicate finger on his lips—and since when is Kakashi so gentle with him?—and talks over the pounding of his heart.

“Shh, don't talk. Don’t put that strain on your lungs,” Kakashi says, voice rough. His eyes alternate between Naruto's wound and the edge of the clearing. Naruto can actually feel him vibrating with restless energy, impatiently waiting for a pink blur to come crashing through the trees.

But Naruto's been Sakura’s teammate for the better part of a decade now, and she's a good teacher; he knows how many wounds he can take before he can't move, knows how much he can strain a ripped tendon before not even Sakura can fix it, knows how much he can stand on a broken leg before the bones are ground to dust from the strain.

He knows how much blood he can lose before it's too late.

Sakura won't be here in time.

“Sensei,” he says, throat straining against the blood clogging it. He would feel ashamed about reverting to _sensei_ , when he's been calling Kakashi by his name for years now, but Naruto's fear is steadily taking hold of his spine, and _sensei_ is a comfort word. Kakashi-sensei was always a safe place.

“Naruto, don't talk,” Kakashi repeats. He frowns, probably wanting to sound strict, but all he manages to do is sound desperate. Naruto hurts at Kakashi's pain, wants to put his finger between Kakashi's brow and smooth it, wants to say _everything’s gonna be alright_ , but there's no time. He also doesn't think he can even move his fingers right now.

_“Sensei,”_ he forces out, voice breaking with despair. _“Listen.”_

The tears are coming now, Naruto can feel the burning that’s not a burning behind his eyes, but he’s far from embarrassed because Kakashi's looking at him, actually paying attention. This isn't how he wanted to do it, how he wanted to say the words lodged in his throat, how he wanted to open up his chest and say _Kakashi, look_ , but he’ll take what he can get.

He’ll take it, because his chakra is dying inside his body, Kurama is eerily silent inside their headspace, his jinchuuriki healing has not kicked in at all and he's out of time.

“I love you,” he says, a slight smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

It sounds ridiculously cliché and ridiculously true. He would feel exposed, if he could feel anything besides pain and fear and his clothes drenched in warm blood.

Sakura doesn't come, and by the time Kakashi, wide and teary eyed, seems to assimilate what he said, Naruto feels darkness’ gentle fingers—gentle like Kakashi—drag him under.

He doesn't hear Kakashi's voice break on his name.

 

 

 

 

 

It went like this:

They were tired. Exhausted. Fatigued.

Ambushed.

A week long mission where they barely slept was nothing knew. Being ambushed on their way back home after a week long mission where they barely slept though, was something Naruto hadn’t been able to tick off his bucket list until today.

The enemy is fast. They intercept their light run and one of them is on Sakura before they can react, kicking her in the stomach and sending her flying through the trees. Naruto can hear the clash of kunai to his right, Kakashi already engaging. He ignores the killing intent coming at him and drops to the forest floor, spinning around to get to Sakura.

She’s in a clearing, already up and fighting. Naruto gets to her back and turns around just in time to block a chop to his throat from the woman who followed him. They trade blows, the woman much faster than Naruto has seen in awhile. The thrill of a good battle runs through his veins for a delicious moment, before a high-pitched shout gets his attention even as he’s jumping away from a kick to the shins.

“Naruto, leave him to me!” Sakura shouts, giving chase to her attacker. They disappear through the trees and he tries not to worry. He has his own fight, but also needs to check on Kakashi.

They had tried to drill it out of him, this need to go after each one of his team, to see if they’re alright, instead of concentrating on the enemies in front of him. Sakura had even tied him to a tree once and forced him to hear Yamato and Sai sparring in the distance, running him through the chakra fluctuations.

_Feel it_ , she said in her sensei voice—Kakashi had laughed when Naruto used the term for the first time. _They’re alive and well, their chakras strong and clear. There’s nothing to fear yet, they’re alright._

Naruto has always been visual, tactical. If he’s not seeing something, feeling it with hands and curious fingers, he’s never really comfortable. It took them weeks of this before he could actually concentrate on his own fight for more than five minutes.

But sometimes he still slipped, like today.

Sakura’s voice had been firm though, and Naruto listens to her. The woman vying for his heart seems angry, probably feeling dismissed. She takes a kunai to her hand and Naruto has a split millisecond to wonder at the strange seal _engraved_ on it before it’s sharp edge brush his chest, ripping easily through cloth and leaving a red mark on his skin.

The effect is frightening; part of his chakra seems to flow out of him, dissipating in the air in a burst of warm energy, gone in an instant.

His shock ripples through his body and definitely shows on his face, because the woman grins, sharp edged, and lunges at him.

Usually a fight like this, no matter how fast his opponent was, wouldn’t last more than a few minutes. But they’ve been running nonstop for hours, eager to get home after a week of miserable rain and little sleep in Ame.

Naruto knows his movements are not as sharp as they should be, and now this. Chakra-sucking kunai. Joy.

This isn’t a fight that he should allow to drag. The more the enemy cuts and slashes at him, the more he’s gonna lose the precious chakra he has left. Overkill it is then.

_How dramatic_ , Kurama huffs, but Naruto can sense the underlying fear in his tone. He gathers a rasengan in one hand and grabs the woman’s jacket with the other, spinning around her, using her momentum and surprise to strike at her back. He doesn’t stop to see what’s left of her body fall to the ground. Kakashi’s chakra— _sense the chakra Naruto, even if you’re not a sensor, you can still tell where we are; there’s no reason to panic_ —has moved from their original spot, and yeah, they’ve been teaching him that he doesn’t need to worry, to panic, but they’re dealing with chakra-sucking enemies after two days of exhausted travel.

He needs to look at his team and verify with his eyes that they’re okay.

By now they’ve probably had a taste of their enemies’ abilities and figured out that they’re in actual danger. Naruto extends his senses a little, chakra reaching behind him, feeling Sakura’s strong and steady presence hundreds of feet away. He doesn’t need to turn around, he can do this.

It takes him almost fifteen seconds—fifteen agonizing seconds—to reach Kakashi’s location. When he gets there, his blood runs cold.

Kakashi is up, but it looks like it’s taking everything out of him to stay that way. A kunai is embedded in his right leg, bleeding profusely even though the kunai should be holding most of the blood back. Naruto sees the engravings on it a split second before he sees the sword—with the fucking engravings, are _all_ of their weapons like that?—go in a straight line to Kakashi’s chest.

Everything slows down.

Naruto activates the hiraishin, his chakra resonating with the seal he had tucked inside Kakashi’s jacket hours earlier, and snaps into place right in front of Kakashi and right in front of the blade.

There’s basically no delay between him getting there and the blade embedding itself into his ribcage, entering on his right side and the tip going out on his left. Between the dillacerating pain and Kurama’s muffled scream—why is it muffled?—Naruto has a moment to feel relief that he got there just in time.

And then he gets angry.

Using his adrenaline for one last move, Naruto rips the blade from his side with a sick squelch and so much pain he almost wishes he were dead so he couldn’t feel it. Using the last of his chakra and ignoring the dawning realization numbing his mind, Naruto flings the blade back at the enemy, getting him in the throat. The body falls with a thud, but Naruto can’t even draw up a little bit of satisfaction.

All those actions must have lasted five seconds max, but it feels like an eternity later that he falls down on his back, a groan full of blood living his lips.

Kakashi is on his knees, getting him propped up and shouting for Sakura.

Naruto opens up about his feelings and promptly passes out.

 

 

 

 

 

He becomes aware of his surroundings in increments, but he doesn’t open his eyes just yet. Years of training ingrained on him make him take stock of all his limbs, checking for wounds and broken bones. His breathing is deliberately steady and slow, as if he were still sleeping. You never know.

Everything seems to be in its place, except for the dull ache running across his entire chest. Huh, weird. What could possibly—oh. Oh. Yeah, that would definitely leave him aching for a good while.

After the basic checkup, he allows himself to feel his surroundings.

There’s a soft _beep beep_ to his left. A warm blanket over him. A strange, eerie silence in his mind.

That last one sends a shiver down his spine, but before he can worry, he senses it. It’s small, almost timid, a puff of a presence reaching up from the corners of his mind. _I’m here_ , it whispers, and then it’s gone again, as if going back to sleep.

His relief comes out in a puff of breath; Kurama is fine. They’re fine.

Opening his eyes is almost impossible. Naruto wonders just how much time he spent out of commission. They feel like they’re glued together. It takes a moment or three—he wants to rub them, but his hands don’t quite work yet—and eventually he opens them to the soft light of what takes him a moment to realize is a very early morning.

Soft footsteps in the corridor get his attention.

The door opens and a shock of bright pink is the first thing he notices. Sakura is already looking at him, her face going from surprised to relieved when she notices he’s awake. They smile at each other as she makes her way to his bed.

“It’s good to see you awake, Naruto.”

He tries to speak, but all that comes out is a rough cough. Before he can ask for water, Sakura is already reaching for the pitcher on the nightstand. It takes him a while to drink a half glass of water, muscles sore and not quite working. Sakura helps him keep the glass in his hands though.

“How are you doing?” She asks, in a voice that would normally sound even, but Naruto hears the tremble underneath. He wonders how he looked like when she finally got to him. Because she definitely did, there’s no way he would be alive right now if Sakura hadn’t arrived probably seconds after he lost consciousness.

A blade sideways through the chest doesn’t leave many chances for surviving.

Naruto, after a few seconds of struggling and mentally berating his muscles, grabs her hand. “I’m fine. In pain, but fine. Thank you for saving me, Sakura.” He smiles, eyes drooping slightly, but not missing the way hers mist over.

“Don’t thank me,” she whispers, smiles, squeezes his hand back. She looks tired, but healthy, way stronger than Naruto feels right now, and something eases in his chest.

He closes his eyes and falls back asleep, a little sad that they can’t talk more, but relieved that she’s fine as well.

 

 

 

 

 

The next time Naruto wakes sunset is upon Konoha, which is surprising. He thought he would sleep more, a whole day or two, giving how tired he still feels. It takes less time to pry his eyes open this time. Then he notices a soft—very soft, almost not there—chakra in the room. His head turns slowly, muscles still stiff, and his eyes fall on someone already watching him.

His heart does a little somersault, half happy and half I-want-to-open-up-a-hole-on-the-floor-and-disappear-forever.

Kakashi looks fine, if tired. Hitai-ate and mask are firmly in place, but Naruto can see the way his whole face seems to relax when they lock gazes. A tension he hadn’t noticed goes out of Kakashi’s shoulders. He steps lightly toward Naruto, slowly and steady. To the untrained eye he seems completely fine. Naruto knows better.

His instinct is to tense up, to wait with baited breath for whatever Kakashi has to say, but he’s just too tired, even though he’s been asleep for the last few days.

Kakashi stops by his bedside, aligning with his hand, leaning on the bed like he belongs there.

They look at each other for exactly seven seconds—seven seconds of _holy shit you’re here_ and _you’re so handsome it makes me ache_ —before Naruto gives in. He was never one to stay quiet anyway.

“In my defense,” he says, grin coming effortlessly. “I thought I was going to die.”

And just like that, the tension is back on Kakashi’s shoulders. His whole body tenses up, like he’s ready for a fight, but he only grabs Naruto’s hand and squeezes it tightly. His hand is warm and calloused; Naruto would be happy to hold it forever.

“In my defense,” Kakashi answers, voice low and wonderfully fond, sending a rush of squirmy feelings down Naruto’s stomach. “I’m not very good at noticing this kind of thing.”

Oh no, does he think he’s in anyway at fault here? That won’t do.

“Kakashi, you don’t owe me anything. You’re not obligated to notice my feelings or anything like that. They’re mine to deal with.” _Besides, even if you knew, you wouldn’t be able to stop me from jumping in front of you if you’re in danger_ , but he doesn’t say that. Kakashi’s not ready for that particular set of feelings yet.

And isn’t that the most mature thing he’s said in a while? Sakura would be proud.

“Ah... but what if—what if I want to deal with them?”

The question doesn’t register for a second, because _what?_

But Kakashi is smiling down at him and is not his bullshit smile or his _you’re an idiot_ smile. It’s not even the _cute little genin_ smile he used to wear all the time, when Naruto was younger and stupider. It’s something warm and fond and slightly embarrassed, which is a miracle on its own right because Naruto can’t remember ever seeing Kakashi really embarrassed by anything, the detached bastard.

Naruto’s face must be showing all his thoughts—not that he’s trying very hard to hide them—because Kakashi sighs, leans a little more on the bed, shifts his hand so he’s holding Naruto’s in a better angle, and speaks.

“I can’t tell you I feel the same way, and I can’t promise you it’s gonna work, but...” he swallows, “I’d like to try. If you’re feeling up to it.”

This is probably a dream. Naruto resists the urge to pinch himself.

“I’m... completely up to it, sensei”—he doesn’t even wince at the slip, just smiles full of mischief and enjoys the amusement he sees in Kakashi’s eye—“I’m so up to it, you have no idea, I’m just not _more_ up to it because I still feel kinda dead right now—”

“Please, stop talking about dying,” Kakashi asks, a half-formed laugh in his voice, with something dark and fierce underneath that makes Naruto’s heart skip a few beats. That’s probably not good for his current health, but he can’t bring himself to care.

Kakashi’s here, has probably been here for a while, holding his hand and telling him that they can try dating and see where it goes and it’s way more than Naruto ever thought he was going to get, because... because life seems to like taking things and people away from him.

But not this time. He’s alive, and Kakashi’s smiling, and everything is just fine right now.

Life can go suck it.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading :}
> 
> Come talk to me on [tumblr!](https://raz-ia.tumblr.com/)


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